I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
