I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
