That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
