I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
