im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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