yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
