I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
