I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
