why didn't you poke me back
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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