My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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