i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
