Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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