I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
