yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
