Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
