not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
