thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
