She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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