im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
