It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
