I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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