Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
