I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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