i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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