goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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