as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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