I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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