I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
