wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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