My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
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