i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
