I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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