i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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