Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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