this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
