Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
