So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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