Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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