He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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