Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
