I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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