When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And then he peed in my hair
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