M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
