Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
