i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
