Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
