either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
