I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
