All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
