If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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