I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
