do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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