No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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