i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
