I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
