I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
