So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
