just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
