If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
