Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
