we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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