I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
