i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
FUCK WHALES
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
